Cali February 15, 2006 - July 30, 2014
My precious baby girl, I have been dreading this moment. I know I cannot write this without tears. Of all the cats I have said goodbye to, you are the hardest.
When we brought you home I wasn't sure at first you and I would ever get along. You came from a terrible home, your first five years were spent with cruel people who could show no love. You were frightened and you lashed out. I had never dealt with a kitty from such circumstances. I had to learn to read your clues and you slowly began to trust.
In the short three years you were our baby girl, you taught me so much. From a scared little kitty who would hide under a bed you blossomed into a sassy, confident, affectionate girl.
Only daddy and I knew this about you, the only two souls in this world who saw the gentle, sweet side of you.
Oh and you so loved your daddy! You were his precious girl and he loved how you would roll over onto your side when he talked to you. You were our first female and daddy was putty in your paws! You liked to boss me around and I was happy to let you.
We tried sweetheart, we did everything in our power to keep you well.
When we first learned you had a heart murmur we took you to a cardiologist. Every six months, as much as you hated to go, we took you for your ultrasound. When you were put on atenolol you took your medicine like a champ (as long as I hid it in a pill wrap).
You loved to eat!! When you were hungry you would vibrate your tail like a rattle snake and make us smile every time. You enjoyed your kitty treats too and you were so happy when we bought you your very own cat condo. It was the first time anyone had shown you love, played with you and bought you toys.
In March your echo was excellent, the cardiologist said you were doing great. My heart was relieved. It was good news, I thought we would have time.
But then came that morning in July when you suddenly couldn't breathe......
We got you to the vet as soon as we could. You had rapidly gone into congestive heart failure. I knew what this meant.
We should have said goodbye to you then. But your daddy was reluctant. He wanted to give you a chance. I cannot fault him for this. Neither one of us knew what was coming.
So you spent a night in the ER, in the oxygen tank, then having chest taps in the morning with the new cardiologist to remove the fluid.
You almost didn't make it.
And all the while you were scared beyond words. Your daddy wanted to see if a new regime of medication would help. The new cardiologist added three new meds to your regime and again, you took them like a champ.
We promised we would not let you be in pain again.......
You came home, you had several good days. But we didn't realize your time with us would be so short. You were gone in two weeks.
You spent your last day gobbling three cans of your favorite food, watching nature out the window and you even had the chance to hiss at Boots the cat when he came near the door. You never liked other cats in your territory!
Then we kissed you goodnight as you went to sleep on the dining room chair. You had such a good day, we were all hopeful. There was no clue what was to come.
But the medicine was just a ruse, the pain came and it came bad.
When I heard you crying that morning I knew, in my heart I knew what had happened.
I saw you laying at the bottom of the stairs with your back legs limp behind you and the expression on your beautiful face looking up at me was my worst nightmare came true. You were struck down by a blood clot. No not this, anything but this.
I drove as fast as I possibly could to the vet as you howled in pain and daddy tried to comfort you.
You held tightly onto daddy's leg when he took you out of the carrier and when Dr C was administering the shot you looked up at us and reached toward us with tiny paws.
Even now life was cruel to you, your little heart was so weak it took what seemed like minutes for you to finally be at rest.
I had told the cardiologist that being such an anxious, frightened kitty you would give up when you became ill. But I was so very wrong sweetheart! You fought to live, you fought with all of your strength.
It was only after we came home and buried you that we discovered the dried up drag marks of urine that circled the entire downstairs. You were fighting to stay alive all the while you must have been in terrible pain.
Why did you have to leave us? You were only eight years old, other cats live much longer with HCM.
And why did you have to suffer such pain?
The cat next door died a week later. He simply went to sleep and never woke up. He had HCM but never went to a vet, wasn't on medication. His owners spent all these years blissfully unaware he had heart disease.
We did everything we could, everything we were SUPPOSED to do keep you with us and you still died.
But sweetheart, what hurts the most is that you were FINALLY happy. You had the home you deserved, a mommy & daddy all your own to spoil you and in turn you became the most loving. affectionate little girl ever. You showed us the meaning of "tortitude" and you could at last forget those cruel people who tormented you.
And then it was taken all away. We can grasp the fact that you are gone, we cannot accept HOW you died. It isn't fair to YOU sweetheart, it just isn't fair.
Cali, people would comment on how beautiful you were. You were a beauty alright and so was your soul. We would sing to you everyday "You are a beauty, you are one in a million girls" and you give us those lovely "squinty" eyes when you were content.
Our elderly adopted boy Happy died exactly four years to the day we lost you. He was 17 but had lived a much different life. His first 15 years were spent with a lady who loved him beyond measure. When he died the look on his face was one of acceptance. He was ready to cross.
I hope he was there to help you over the bridge and I pray to God we will see you again,
If I cannot hope for that I have nothing.
July 30, 2016
It has been two years sweetheart since you died and I miss you as though it were yesterday.
I had a dream about you recently. In it I was crying and you were sitting on my lap as I stroked your soft fur. I wanted you to stay with me but you slowly began to fade away and I was left alone again.
Will this sadness ever end?
July 30, 2017
Three years ago this very day you left a hole in my heart as big as the sky. I still miss you my beautiful baby girl, I suspect I always will. I can only hope that you are at peace and without pain. We will always love you my Cali girl.
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Memorial Added 08/21/2014
Memorial Updated 07/31/2017